Now that I'm finally out of the frame...

Getting out of the frame has enlightened me. Weirdly and surprisingly, I've reached a whole new level now. It's like, if we were to take an example of a product cycle as a scale, I'd be on the last and final stage of the cycle. 

Initially, I used to be upset, fed up, and even a little bit betrayed indirectly. I felt bad at the same time and wondered how I could feel so angry. Then, after a few months, I started feeling neutral about it and decided to stop feeling angry, I stopped holding on to those negative feelings. I didn't feel good either though, I was just like on the saturation mode, to the extent that I just couldn't be bothered at all. Afterwards, I stepped on this new stage where I started to see things differently and positively and began to feel truly grateful for all the good and bad things that happened. It is really a different state of mind... much better. 

Finally, I got out of the frame and have now reached this level where I ask myself, "Do I want to go back to this?" And I find myself wanting only one thing, turning the page. Not burning the old one, just folding it and keeping it in a safe place. I might look back at if a few times but that's just it... 

I have this new book that I have to take care of and bringing back this old book, including you, I cannot and do not want to do that... I did it recently, mixing those two books and it was fun and nostalgic but so weird for me. I couldn't take that old book and stick some of its pages into the new book or vice versa... I badly wanted to do it, but couldn't... Man, how I wish it could work...People might think I'm being skeptical or pessimistic, but no, I guess this is just a new version of me... 

"In life, there are some ppl you're going to lose in order to find yourself."

Today, I am 21.

About five years ago, I've stopped labelling the different relationships that I have but the amount of esteem that I have for someone is never the same for someone else. I do not and never have the same admiration for two people. How I treat you and how my attitude is towards you, will define how much I value and appreciate you. Once I think very fondly of someone, I will care and care and love them with the deepest respect that I can have for them. But the thing is, some relationships are transient and others last for a season.. Some relationships will make you grow, while others will outgrow you. Some relationships will be so toxic that you will have to let go of them no matter how hard it is, and other relationships will bring so much light in your life that you will never want to get rid of those.  

Change is a part of of life, it is inevitable but this is one of the things that I will never be able to change about me, no matter how much I want it; I will always have a different amount of respect and trust for the people in my life and I am not and will never be like those people who have a lot of friends but no intimate and deep friendship with them. I value those a lot. I've realized quite some stuff through the different friendships that I've had since now, and I still have a lot more to learn. A part of me will always care for the people I once cherished, still do when I think about it... And I will always be truly grateful for the different friends that I met and the memories I gathered along the way. Thank you.