Life is like a roller-coaster and I'm roller-coasting =}

2013 is going by so fast omgosh! It's already mid-Sept and as much as I was busy, it still surprises me how time goes by so fast. Too fast right? 
The first four months of 2013 were the months where I almost lost myself. I lost confidence and trust in myself for stupid reasons, but I tried my best to regain it and eventually did. I started redefining things in a more pessimistic view but ended up accepting the fact that not everyone will try their best to be a part of your life. Some friendships can be toxic; if those "friends" make you angry and frustrated more than they make you happy, why bother? Some relationships can be unhealthy and as soon as you realize it, stay away from it. That's the best thing you can do. 

Then, during the winter hols, I truly did some pondering and wondering about my little life. I realized that I was focusing too much on the negativity, and that's when it all started to align... I began to look at the positive side of the coin and saw that there are other people who will want to be in your life and would try their best to achieve this. There are people who love you, with your flaws and will accept you the way you are. Those relationships are healthy and bring positive vibes in your life and in my point of view, those people you should keep them close. Of course those type of relationships won't always be "perfect", there will be the good and the bad times, but eventually if you both know how to get past the bad moments, it will turn out just the way you want. And the toxic relationships, you must ignore them and you will see how different you will feel after that. 

Blossom!

If you can't change the situation,

You can change your attitude towards it. 

You have the choice of not letting it touch you.

Not even the tiniest part of you.

guys, you know who you are. don't let it destroy you. I didn't. xxo

I remembered that he is into his own gender.

Today, it was a normal university day. Except one thing. I remembered that he is into his own gender.

The five of us were hanging out casually in the cafeteria, like we usually do on uni days. My friend Abs started checking out the hot girls who were walking/sitting/chilling around us. Sharing his girl tastes etc. My other friend Freds began jumping in the fun as well, while my other friend, Bees, who's taken, didn't. And well the last guy, Dees, he was sitting extremely uncomfortably and not joining in the fun. Like at all. If you hadn't pay attention to him during this very moment, you wouldn't have noticed his unusual behavior.

About three months ago, I learnt that Dees is gay, via his best friend who told me out of genuine panic. The kind of panic where if you don't share the secret with someone else, it'd kill you alive. When I heard it, it suddenly hit me. In an instant series of flashbacks, I realized that he's never ever mentioned anything about girls, even though he has an extremely active social life. I never ever caught him looking at girls or some boobies. And I've known the guy for almost 10 months now.

His best friend told me that additionally to him not being out of the closet, Dees is in love with a guy, since almost a year now, whose circumstances doesn't allow them to date. Fortunately there's no friendzone here but they both know dating is not an option even though they are both in love with each other. Ahhh... when love is not enough... what a shitty thing that is.

We tried once to make him feel more comfortable, at least with us, within our little group of 6, since we are not judgemental I thought it would help, and alcohol was not that far from us... (lol), I started sharing deep confessions during the drinking game, so did Bees and Freds. But at the end of the night, we got almost nothing. Due to Freds being so damn drunk that he talked almost all night, ohh the bastard. I guess, being around guys who are very manly and macho, won't help his situation and encourage him to come out of the closet. 

I have no conclusion for this post tbh. My only wish right now is for Dees to feel comfortable in his skin and accepts who he is, he might probably feel lighter and happier. I adore him to the bits and I feel powerless for not being able to make him feel comfortable in his skin. He is such an amazing guy. So honest, kind and humble. Life is indeed unfair sometimes...

Dear Charlie,

In retrospect, those last two years were highly beneficial. Overall. For me. For my life. Everything. It’s what I needed the most during this specific period of my life. I was lonely at some moments. I chose it, I needed it and I don’t regret any of it. In some ways, it brought a lot of light and sunshine. Probably a little rain too. But y'know it was the good kind of rain. It brought me to h-e-r-e. and h-e-r-e is wonderful. I didn't realize how important it was to value only the friendships that matter until last year. I didn't realize that parents working hard solely for their children is a fact completely underrated. I didn't realize it was possible to fall for someone in such a blissfully manner. I didn't realize that in terms of friendships, closeness ≠ distance.

     Thank you for inspiring me Stephen Chbosky.  

  

11 things...

1. Most of the people who have the biggest hearts, are never the type of people you expect. 

2. The appearance rarely matches the personality. 

3. Easier said than done:- theory & practice don't always match the other one.

4. Learn to let go all the shitty ppl & negativity.

5. This year could be one of the most epic years of your life, the next year could be one of the worst, and the year after that, you could be loving life all over again.

6. Spontaneity is underrated.  

7. Life is truly beautiful, only if you learn to look beyond its daily shits. 

8. Falling in love with someone & finding out this person loves you back is a rare gift.

9. Every relationship has to be two-way, whether it being love or friendship. 

10. Whoever said "Ignorance is bliss" is a noob. Overthinking, reviewing things in your head, is not a freaking joy. Wondering is worse than knowing.      

11. Whenever you feel like shit and there's a lot of negativity weighing on you, just take a nap. 

Thank you 2012.

You were an amazing, challenging & definitely an unforgettable year.